You are missed,amma!

image
It's been 3 years since she left,but I still miss her. You're missed,amma!❤

This was written when it stuck me out of nowhere in econometrics class that it’s her birthday. My grandma’s. My amma’s. So there are chances you might not be able to make out words which I have scribbled. And ignore the ink smudges,ofcourse.

Toodles!
~A♥~

Ghost of a friendship:A birthday message.

image
This isn't me. As usual.🙈 I mentioned this now because I know a couple of people would have asked otherwise.:P

I had wanted to wish you a happy birthday by calling you at exactly 12 like I did last year. But I had hoped that you wouldn’t ask me to cut the phone after a minute like last time when you were so eager to tal k to your boyfriend that you couldn’t wait for me to put the phone down. You weren’t the only friend of mine who had a bf. I had seen others who have bfs, interact with their friends on their birthdays like their calls meant everything to them. I didn’t say anything about it to you,though. I had left it in the past. But it came back again when your birthday rolled around. Annnnd,I realised that because of your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, to be precise, we couldn’t talk this year. Again. Ah!The irony. He’s no longer a part of your life and he’s still here. Everytime. Everyday.
I am not writing this to hurt you or anything warped like that. This wasn’t my intention. I had hoped that you would give your number to me atleast on your birthday. Annd,I had thought I would write you a big-ass birthday message like I do on everybody’s birthday recollecting the wonderful memories I have had with that person. But obviously that’s not how it turned out,did it now?*dry smirk* I didn’t get your number and I decided to try this new thing I have been trying in my life where I don’t keep anything inside. I spill it out to the person concerned and be done with it. Because I know there isn’t big enough space to keep the hate,and resentment,and friendship all together. I say what I want to so there are no hard feelings. I don’t burn inside that way, thinking about who did what to me. I say it to their face and be done with it. Ironic,really. “To your face…”. Seriously!
And also this clicked in my mind that as I am writing this,it isn’t even your birthday now. So,I am not trying to protect your “feelings” by being all mushy mushy and shit. I am being truthful. And you do need to hear this. This is necessary.*Nods*
We have been friends for so long,P*****(I am not gonna call you **. It was a nickname I gave to my friend. Not to you). So,as I was saying,we have been friends for so long. And we, like everybody else, have had ups and downs in our friendship. We fought a lot. And then we made up. We laughed and we cried. We were tensed about studies. And we were excited about trips. And I realised that we needed to come a complete circle, like every relationship in this world. We have gone from being strangers to friends to good friends to talk-once-in-a-while friends to strangers again. Strangers who have no freaking idea what has gone down in each other’s lives. That’s what we are. Exactly what we are:STRANGERS.
P***** *******,you were a friend once. Do you think we can call each other that now? Do you know anything about me?Anything,anymore? I am gonna send you a “birthday” message through K***,for God’s sake! Is that what we have really become? Really?
You can talk to other people. But when it comes to me,uncle might check?*snorts*
I am cool with that,you know. I am,really. It’s your decision who you wanna defy your father for. But I needed to say this. Because I needed closure. Closure is required in friendships,too, you know. I am not suggesting that we can’t be friends again. I am just saying that it is you who needs to make the first move now. I am tired. Of everything. And I am tired of making efforts. I need others to take initiative now. I am not complaining,but just trying to be honest again. And forward.
Mumma told me your Facebook was active on your birthday, at night. When I checked,it was deactivated again,I guess. But that’s good,in a way. I wouldn’t have said anything I am saying now on FB. And you needed to hear me say this all once. Atleast that’s what I believe. You are entitled to your own opinion. Obviously. I always allow others the option to have their own opinions and viewpoints. So if you think I am talking bullshit, that’s cool. I just don’t give a shit right now.
This was supposedly a birthday message. And I thought of writing this like a normal birthday message for a friend. But once I started,I couldn’t stop myself from saying all I wanted to say to you.
I guess, that’s it for now.
Sooo,
A  BEALTED HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY, P*****!
Hope you have a wonderful life ahead.(I am not being sarcastic here. I am saying that genuinely.)

Toodles!
~A♥~