Randoms

The sweet fruit of patience!

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A long,long wait...for that one sweet taste!

Everytime I have to return to college;everytime I have to leave home ;everytime I have to travel for more than three hours, away from home,I feel a sense of loss.Yes,loss.I know, I know I am going away for my own good;to learn,for my betterment,but…I don’t know.

It’s like someone has asked me to give away a limb.Weird,I know.Because teenagers all around wait for the day they will be free.Everybody, I guess,wants to live their life on their own terms.They want a place of their own.Not me. I am weird,I know.

I love the comfort of home;of my hometown, of bickering with my brother,of homecooked food,of late night television,of waking up after noon,of lying under my quilt whole day…I love it all. But the best part of it all is…my ma-papa.The knowledge that I can kiss my ma,whenever I want.The ability to hug my papa, whenever I feel like it.Yes,I love this,and everything else.

So,you see where I am coming from?I don’t want to leave this comfort for any sort of ‘betterment’ or whatever.No matter how it would benefit me,I don’t wanna go away again.

*sigh* But it’s inevitable.I have to go back  the day after.No point denying it.*sigh again*

So I am just going to enjoy this remaining visit and then go back…and wait for the next one.That’s all I can do,isn’t it?And haven’t we heard our elders say,”The fruit of patience is so very sweet!“?

So…I will just wait to eat this sweet,sweet fruit. Afterall,I have a sweet tooth. *wink*

Toodles!
~A♥~

Emotions

Possessive friends?No,thanks.

So…there’s a friend of mine in college who I am kind of close to.Not in the best-friends-forever kind of way,but closer than others,I guess.Ofcourse I am not as close to her as I am to my ma,my best friend for life.(Yes,I have got an amazing mother,who is my best friend too,lucky me :-)). But yeah,in college I generally stay with her all the time.

So yes,we are friends,but ofcourse we have other people we talk to. We have some mutual friends,and then there are others who I am friends with and she’s not…and vice-versa.So,our department had the departmental fest the day before,and it was enjoyable to say the least.I mean,we ate,we clicked a ton of pictures and we just explored and roamed around…and yes,we got food vouchers,so free food…what’s not to like huh?We all enjoyed a lot.

Anyway,this friend I mentioned, takes me aside just before she is about to go home,and says that I have been ignoring her.I was like,WHAAAA?I haven’t been ignoring you.you have been right beside me practically the whole day.So she points out a couple of instances when I went to a food stall with another of my friend’s, and didn’t take her with me.Yes,she said that and was upset about it, nonetheless. I calmly told her that this other friend of mine,let’s call her N,is my friend too.And since I have no problem with R, let’s call this possessive friend R, hanging out with other people,she shouldn’t have one either.So she’s like, I am always with you,and don’t go off like that,and blah blah blah.I calmly try to tell her again that it’s not like I am ignoring her and shit…but she is not ready to listen.

Ofcourse,I start getting angry when she is not ready to listen,and I jokingly ask her if she is jealous.She answers in the affirmative and says that I am the closest friend she has at the college and she doesn’t want me to do this again.Imagine! I straight away tell her that N is my friend and I won’t stop hanging out with her just because she thinks I should.She kind of defends herself and says that she has no problem with me hanging out with anyone else.

And this afternoon, when I text her asking if she went to college today,she’s like,N knew about me being absent and she didn’t. I feel the anger taking over again and tell her that it was her who went away early,and not only N,but all my friends knew about my being absent.She again deflects the situation by saying that she was kidding.But I was not,so I try to end the conversation before a full on fight.Now I haven’t replied to her latest text.

The thing is,I don’t like people trying to tell me what to do.I never have.It leads to me getting angry,and the other person getting hurt,or whatever.And R trying to dominate me just pisses me off.This possessive friend thingie is getting on my nerves real bad.

I have no idea why I just wrote this piece, except to get it all out.Afterall,that’s why I started writing in the first place, isn’t it?But still,if R doesn’t back off,we are going to have a serious issue.And this issue would lead to serious talk.She seriously needs to back off.This dominating and possessive shit doesn’t work for me.At all.

If someone is a friend,they need to act like a friend,don’t they?When they try to tell you what to do,don’t they become…dictators?Yeah,yeah I went over the top for a second there,but still…
Aren’t the friends just supposed to be with you as and when you need them…and their support        and all?

Well, I dunno about any of this.Atleast I was able to get this all out.Maybe my anger will subside before I talk to R again…but then again,maybe not.We will just have to wait and see how this plays out.

Toodles!
~A♥~

Randoms

The Midnight Partyyy!�

My roomies and I,decided to have a party of sorts.Well,it wasn’t exactly a party…it’s just that all of us felt the craving to eat something delicious.Yes.It was a craving for food.Not because we didn’t have dinner… but because “our minds weren’t satisfied with the food,even if our bellies were“.so…yes,we decided to eat noodles.Yeah,the-out-of-packet type, two minute noodles.And then it forged into hot and sour soup…and then throw in a couple of mouthwatering cookies…and yes,a hot, spicy packet of oats.And we had a partyyy!

Yeah,yeah.Not exactly a party,I know.But with nonsense conversations,gossiping and sharing the hilarious moments of the day we have had,it was a blast.

So,it got me thinking…if the most important ingredient of a good time is just great company? Or was it just tonight?!;)

Toodles!
~A♥~

Emotions · Poetry

‘CRAVINGS’

There is an abundance of emotions in everyone’s heart(well,almost everyone’s). Some,we want;some we just…don’t!After actually going through that roller coaster of emotions that people talk about,one craves nothing more than that sweet,sweet oblivion they were once in.That small little piece of nothing is what they desire!They just want to…be.Without those abundant swirling emotions making a mess of everything.Yes,that craving!!

Swirling mass of emotions...a jumbled mess!
Swirling mass of emotions…a jumbled mess!

Anger
Confusion
Hate
Rage,
I have.

Silence
Peace
Transparency
Oblivion,
I want.

Toodles!
~A♥~

Reblogged

Through children’s eyes.

PROSPERMIND

When you look at me,
you see me through children’s eyes,
you see a world filled with laughs,
where no one cries.

When you look at me,
you hear the birds, they sing,
you smell the flowers of the gardens,
where bees don’t sting.

When you,
Oh, when you look at me,
perfection is all you see,
but don’t be fooled by the looks of me.

Trust me baby,
there are faults and flaws beneath,
nobody is perfect –
not even me.

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Reblogged

Don’t

This is so relatable!

My Thoughts

Don’t look inside my head
For it’s a dark place
There’s no happy tunes
Just a pale face

Don’t try to understand
All these feelings inside
There’s only confusion
Without a bright light

Don’t treat me like a baby
I’m fighting to get stronger
There’s a lot to do
But it won’t take much longer

Don’t say I won’t make it
Believe me I’ll survive
There’s still so much floating around in my mind
Just look around and take a dive

Don’t be surprised
When I’m at the top
There’s a lot you won’t understand
I’ll make your jaw drop.

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Reblogged

Four Literary Questions

It’s all the reader asks for afterall,isn’t it?
A great story/book is what he/she thrives on.

Janet Fitch's Blog

This question was posed for me by a reader on my Goodreads page. For me, the best questions are the ones that make me think more deeply about the issues involved. This was a good one:
#
 “What makes a great story/book? There are so many writers out there, but only a few get any acclaim, and some of the best posthumously. It is a herd mentality that snowballs into popularity?”
 #
The questioner is actually asking four separate questions here.
1. What makes a great story?
2. What makes a great book?
3. Why do only a few books get acclaim?
4. Is it a herd mentality that snowballs a book into popularity.
 #
I answered them in order–but Number 2 is the one that interests me most.
 #
1. A great story is one which satisfies the question it raises in the beginning. It can be a…

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Emotions

Hello heartache!

wpid-dsc_0012.jpgSo,I actually had no intentions of writing something so close to my heart so early in my blogging experience.But,well,I guess,what’s meant to be will always find its way.A thing after another lead me to pour it all out without any delays.A friend of mine told me that her grandfather expired the day before;I came to my place and plugged in my headphones while simultaneously falling onto my bed,and guess what?The first song that blasted through my head headphones was…?Yeah?Hello heartache,ofcourse.And then I read a blog about death and loss.

So,yeah,I couldn’t keep it all in anymore.I just had to get it all out.And that’s exactly why I have started blogging in the first place,isn’t it?To get it all out?So,ofcourse,I decided to write.

It’s been almost three long years since she died.My rock.The person who loved me unconditionally, no matter what.My inspiration.My grandmother…my amma. Yes,she has been dead for three long years and it still hurts like hell.literally.My amma was one of the strongest person I have ever known.She lost her husband to the third heart attack which he couldn’t endure,and she still survived.Her home split,and she still survived.Her youngest daughter came home after she couldn’t take her failing marriage anymore,and she still survived. Yes,in my world,she was one of the strongest.She loved with a passion we only dream about.

A beauty of her times,she was still gorgeous when I came to know her.With creamy skin,waist length pepper and salt hair and deep deep eyes,she was breathtaking.Not only in the physical sense,but every other sense as well.Whenever I visited with her,I felt energised in a way I can’t explain. You know,it was like she yeilded some silent magick. Her family was what meant most to her.Always.

She loved all her grandkids,but I was her favorite.We were the closest. You see,it was that unbreakable bond we had,which nothing could ever break.She told me all about her olden days,and we laughed while reading the newspaper headlines which weren’t funny in the least.We loved the same dessert,the same cookies,the same…almost everything.

The news of her passing away came just after the day my tenth standard exams got over.I hadn’t met her in quite a while due to my studies,and had plans to go meet her the very next morning.The next morning I had been woken up by my maid telling me amma was no more.I hadn’t  quite believed my ears.I thought she said something else by mistake.Because she couldn’t die,you know.Afterall,we had plans.She couldn’t go without saying goodbye.She just had a heart attack in her sleep,and now she was no More?Not possible,I had said.I mean,she had been a constant in my life forever.She couldn’t just…go.My mother had come and taken me into her arms and only when I felt wetness had I realised that I was crying.Bawling, was more like it.And I couldn’t stop.Till I couldn’t cry anymore.

It was then time to go,say goodbye to her.The moment I went through the door,had I realised that I wasn’t the only one who loved her.There were many more who,if not more,loved her as much as I did.And we all were in this together.We would help each other in our grief and make it all easier.And we did.I didn’t cry anymore that day because I knew that the place she was in was far more beautiful and peaceful then any place we have ever been to.And she was, or would be,eventually,happy there.And a day would come when we would be happy again.Eventually,if not immediately.Recovering was a time taking process.

Overtime,I have come to realise that people leave,no matter how hard you try to hold onto them.They eventually reach that final destination no matter how much you try to stop them.And you never stop loving them,no matter how far away they go.In the few months after she was gone,even the slightest of things triggered a memory which would fill my eyes with tears.And I let them fall freely.Over the time,the pain faded quite a bit and the beautiful memories were what remained at the foremost.And yeah.I even came to terms with the regret I had of not being able to say goodbye.Because maybe she just wanted me to remember her like the last time I saw her:happy,healthy.And even though I miss her all the time,and I know she can’t be present by my side all the time in flesh,I know she’s there with me every second of everyday…in my heart.

And in the end,that’s all that actually matters,you know.The memories we make,the love we have,and yeah,the way we choose to live our lives.I made a pretty good decision,I think.I chose the love and the memories over the regret…because if I had chosen otherwise,I would still be living in the past,with the ghost of tomorrow lurking over my head,and heart,and dragging me under with the weight of it…N I would just be filled with sadness and grief.And, ofcourse she wouldn’t want that,would she??

Toodles!
~A♥~

Emotions

I am lost

A wandering violet...drifting on the wind;lost!
A wandering violet…drifting on the wind;lost!

Yes.I am lost.The lost one in the group.Well,not literally,but I hope you get my drift when I am through with this.So yeah,as I said,I am lost.

The thing is,I have never really said those words to another living soul.Like, ever.So you see how difficult this is for me to say it on such a huge platform?How about the whole world?Okay,I don’t really have anyone who’s going to read it as I am writing it as of now,and that isn’t even the reason I am writing this post.The real reason behind this huge step is my need for introspection.I know what you are going to think when you read this.Maybe something along the lines of,why is she writing a blog if all she needs is an introspective into her own life?

Actually,not twenty four hours ago,a roomie of mine suggested I write a blog,if for no other reason than for the sake of writing.So it got me thinking that maybe that’s the platform to get it all out.To get all this…all these lost feelings out in the open.Well,you see,as I wrote before,I have never said any of these to anyone else in all the years of my existence.And what better way to get it all out then to write it down?

I am not doing this for the obvious reasons people do.I am a wanderer who is lost,sort of,and who is trying real hard to find her way.Trust me,I have no complaints about the life I have been handed(yes,handed) due to actions of my past.I am enrolled in a very good college,studying a subject that always fascinated me,having a bunch of friends and living with good enough roomies.What I am actually lacking is… FOCUS.No people,don’t go there. my mental health is perfectly fine.What I am trying to say is,I don’t exactly know what I want to do with my life.That’s where writing comes in.Yes,I love to read.And write(not).So,when my roomie so generously suggested that I write a blog,I jumped on that idea.Because,maybe writing will help.Not that I am not normal or anything(I am so not ;-)), but it makes me feel like maybe it would help me find what’s actually lost,because I feel my life is lacking something.Don’t know what,but something.I am a wandering violet.
Violet is a small flower which has numerous species and gets lost among them.(Yeah,that’s where my blog gets its name from :-)).Not many people know about it.At the expense of sounding haughty,I feel this blog’s title is so very well justified.I am like a violet flower…there are so many similar to me out there,that I naturally feel lost.And I am wandering,trying to find my own self,my individuality.

Let me warn you,I don’t have a “niche” per say.I mean it’s not like I am trying to promote something or anything.I just want to…write.So my blog is going to be about everyday-random-stuff.Anything and everything.So one day you may find a post about a totally awesome novel(Did I mention I love to read?! :-D), and the other day, a poetry with overflowing emotions.You never know…it might be interesting(or boring as hell!). But bear with me.Because it’s a journey of a lost wanderer’s hopeful self discovery.

I hope that you people help me with it,because that’s what this is all about:Helping.Because even if self-help is important,it’s not always enough.

Toodles!
~A♥~