Poetry

The end.

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Death. The end.

Death is a harsh reality.
Some understand death, embrace it, others fear it.
It’s an inevitable stage in life, no one can escape.
So all we can do is cherish the life we have remaining.
Embrace those surrounding us, our loved ones and try to live without regrets.
Change to become who we want to be when we meet death.
I want to meet death head-on.
I don’t want it to take me in my sleep.
I want to see it coming.
I want to know what is happening.
Death is the end.
I want mine to be a good end.
I want it to be a perfect end.
Without regrets.
Without sadness.
With love.
And, satisfaction.
And, understanding.
But mostly love.

-a-

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Randoms

DEATHDATES AND OBLIVION.

Would you really want to know?
Would you really want to know?

I completed this novel titled “when” in the wee hours of the morning.It is about a girl who sees people’s deathdates hovering on their foreheads.At first she doesn’t realise what the black digits mean.But when her father dies on the exact date which she sees on his forehead,she realises what “gift” she has been “blessed” with.
The story is a crime thriller which I couldn’t help but complete in one go.The mystery kept me hooked. But even though I loved the book,there was a part of me which was kind of afraid, and that’s saying something because not many things frighten me,you know.But yes,there was a nagging voice at the back of my mind.
I wasn’t actually terrified of the story.It was the theme.I mean,I logically know that no such thing is possible.But still, it got me thinking. Long after I completed the novel,I was lying in my bed pondering over this thought, that if,say someone could actually predict your last day,would you want to know?Would that make you feel better, knowing your deathdate beforehand?I guess,some people might feel that it would be better, so that they could prepare.Mentally,Emotionally,Physically.
But, maybe,just maybe,it would be better that you know nothing of the sort?You continue to live in that sweet,sweet oblivion and one day,WHAM, you go,unexpectedly.
This is actually something which,I guess, if not many,atleast a few people must have given a thought.Ofcourse it would be awesome to know some dates of significance.Happy dates.The book ends at such a note.The protagonist sees happy dates.

But the question remains the same.
Would you want to know when the last day of your existence would be?
                                    OR
           Would you like to live in oblivion?

Toodles!
~A♥~

Emotions

Hello heartache!

wpid-dsc_0012.jpgSo,I actually had no intentions of writing something so close to my heart so early in my blogging experience.But,well,I guess,what’s meant to be will always find its way.A thing after another lead me to pour it all out without any delays.A friend of mine told me that her grandfather expired the day before;I came to my place and plugged in my headphones while simultaneously falling onto my bed,and guess what?The first song that blasted through my head headphones was…?Yeah?Hello heartache,ofcourse.And then I read a blog about death and loss.

So,yeah,I couldn’t keep it all in anymore.I just had to get it all out.And that’s exactly why I have started blogging in the first place,isn’t it?To get it all out?So,ofcourse,I decided to write.

It’s been almost three long years since she died.My rock.The person who loved me unconditionally, no matter what.My inspiration.My grandmother…my amma. Yes,she has been dead for three long years and it still hurts like hell.literally.My amma was one of the strongest person I have ever known.She lost her husband to the third heart attack which he couldn’t endure,and she still survived.Her home split,and she still survived.Her youngest daughter came home after she couldn’t take her failing marriage anymore,and she still survived. Yes,in my world,she was one of the strongest.She loved with a passion we only dream about.

A beauty of her times,she was still gorgeous when I came to know her.With creamy skin,waist length pepper and salt hair and deep deep eyes,she was breathtaking.Not only in the physical sense,but every other sense as well.Whenever I visited with her,I felt energised in a way I can’t explain. You know,it was like she yeilded some silent magick. Her family was what meant most to her.Always.

She loved all her grandkids,but I was her favorite.We were the closest. You see,it was that unbreakable bond we had,which nothing could ever break.She told me all about her olden days,and we laughed while reading the newspaper headlines which weren’t funny in the least.We loved the same dessert,the same cookies,the same…almost everything.

The news of her passing away came just after the day my tenth standard exams got over.I hadn’t met her in quite a while due to my studies,and had plans to go meet her the very next morning.The next morning I had been woken up by my maid telling me amma was no more.I hadn’t  quite believed my ears.I thought she said something else by mistake.Because she couldn’t die,you know.Afterall,we had plans.She couldn’t go without saying goodbye.She just had a heart attack in her sleep,and now she was no More?Not possible,I had said.I mean,she had been a constant in my life forever.She couldn’t just…go.My mother had come and taken me into her arms and only when I felt wetness had I realised that I was crying.Bawling, was more like it.And I couldn’t stop.Till I couldn’t cry anymore.

It was then time to go,say goodbye to her.The moment I went through the door,had I realised that I wasn’t the only one who loved her.There were many more who,if not more,loved her as much as I did.And we all were in this together.We would help each other in our grief and make it all easier.And we did.I didn’t cry anymore that day because I knew that the place she was in was far more beautiful and peaceful then any place we have ever been to.And she was, or would be,eventually,happy there.And a day would come when we would be happy again.Eventually,if not immediately.Recovering was a time taking process.

Overtime,I have come to realise that people leave,no matter how hard you try to hold onto them.They eventually reach that final destination no matter how much you try to stop them.And you never stop loving them,no matter how far away they go.In the few months after she was gone,even the slightest of things triggered a memory which would fill my eyes with tears.And I let them fall freely.Over the time,the pain faded quite a bit and the beautiful memories were what remained at the foremost.And yeah.I even came to terms with the regret I had of not being able to say goodbye.Because maybe she just wanted me to remember her like the last time I saw her:happy,healthy.And even though I miss her all the time,and I know she can’t be present by my side all the time in flesh,I know she’s there with me every second of everyday…in my heart.

And in the end,that’s all that actually matters,you know.The memories we make,the love we have,and yeah,the way we choose to live our lives.I made a pretty good decision,I think.I chose the love and the memories over the regret…because if I had chosen otherwise,I would still be living in the past,with the ghost of tomorrow lurking over my head,and heart,and dragging me under with the weight of it…N I would just be filled with sadness and grief.And, ofcourse she wouldn’t want that,would she??

Toodles!
~A♥~