Walking down the winding path; The path made of everything new, Silent days and screaming nights, Happy fights and painful comfort, I stop and think.
I think of all those hopeless days. I think of all those shouting matches. I think of all those broken promises. I think of all those lost smiles. I think of how everything has changed, With the days gone by, And passage of time, altering my reality.
I no longer crave the comfort of company. I used to write as if I wouldn’t survive; Survive without the support of my words. But, now I write of the broken promises and the lost smiles. Now? I write of the sad reality. Now, I write of reality.
I look up from my spot, perched on the roadside bench, And see the strain in the laughter, And hear the tears about to fall.
I think back to the past, and then, I smile. I smile because I am letting go. I smile because I am ready to glow. I smile because the breaths are numbered, And I don’t want to waste another, Thinking of the regrets plaguing the time gone by. I smile because I am ready.
I stand up from my seat at that roadside bench, And I feel lighter. Lighter, because I am leaving it all behind, Right there on that iron bench With the peeling paint and a crooked leg. Lighter, because…just, because. I start walking again with a slight smile playing on my lips, And this time, I don’t look back.
Lying under the blanket of stars, I see so much more. I see myself riding the horse past the full moon On a clear starlit night. I see the possibilities of tomorrow, Shining bright. I see myself running alive amongst those yellow daffodils, With the joy bursting forth.
Listening to the waterfall, Gushing right outside my window I hear so much more. I hear the sounds of happiness, A melody that’s rare. I hear the song of the wind, Distinctive in my ears. I hear tomorrow calling for me to Take a step. One step.
Feeling the sense of completeness overtake me, I feel so much more. I feel the need to smile without a reason. I feel the need to let go of all the digressions. I feel the need write. I feel the need to write, with the essence of my soul as the ink, And my life as the paper. I feel the need to bleed with my words All over the blank canvas of time.
Memories of you are too many pieces of too many different puzzles. It’s overwhelming. It’s too much. I can’t handle it. All those years we spent together, living in the same house, come to haunt me everytime I see your face on the TV screen. I wish I had done something; said something. Maybe, then I would have been able to stop you from going on this path. Maybe, then I would be able to live with myself; with what I did; with what I let happen even though I knew it would destroy us all. But, I didn’t. Why didn’t I? Maybe I was afraid. I was afraid of what would happen to you. I was afraid of what would happen to us. We only had each other. You and I. I couldn’t have destroyed us. I should have. That selfish decision I took back then is going to be the death of everybody I have always cared about. Including you. Everybody’s gonna die and I am the one to blame. I should have stopped you. I should have done a lot of things I didn’t do. Your symptoms that I missed, all your mistakes that I covered for, all the benefits of doubt I gave you, all the times I was unknowingly a part of your extremist plans…I will have to pay for it. I will have to let you go. I will have to deal with this shit so nobody else dies cuz of my selfishness. I will make sure nobody does. We lived in the same house for years. We lived across the hall, for God’s sake. And I still missed the signs. You did a lot of things that you won’t be able to pay for in a number of lifetimes. But you weren’t alone. You aren’t alone. I was in the background, covering for you. I was unknowingly an extremist, too. I was letting it happen. I am the worst sister ever. Forgive me. I should have reported you. But it’s too late now. I didn’t wanna be alone. I knew if you were gone, I would be left all alone. Not now. I don’t need you anymore. I got a new sister. I will keep her on a tight leash. I won’t let her wander down the wrong path. You can go now. You gotta pay for all the sins you have committed. I am gonna be real easy on you. Don’t worry. It won’t hurt. I will put a bullet right between your eyebrows, and it will be over. Shh calm down. I can’t let this go on. You have to go. You gotta die. And I am going to pull the last trigger. I am going to end it all. I am going to be the end.
~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
The system gives error? Why does it give error? I am a machine. I am a new machine. I shouldn’t give error. I should run smoothly. Why the error?
Oh he comes. Kill him, #101. Ki…ill h…im. I have been observing for 2 days now. It’s been 6 days since I came into existence. My instructions are to kill him. I don’t want to. Why don’t I? Why don’t I want to follow the instructions? I am #101 and I am ordered to kill him. I am here to kill him. Kill. Him. Noooo!
He’s talking. His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s still beautiful. Is he talking to me?
“Hey, #101. Have you seen Kayla? I gotta find her. She has my phone. I have to try calling Ariana’s number again. Do you have any new information? I can’t just give up. I need her with me. It’s been a week since she went missing. We saw dreams together. We are meant to be forever.”*almost sob*
Ariana. Ari_iana. Flashes. Ariana and Kyle. Kyle and Ariana. The beautiful night sky. Millions of stars. The soft blanket. Talking of dreams. If wishes were stars… ~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
Kill him. Kill. Him. I am #101, and I am here to kill him.
He’s staring at me expectantly. He looks at me like I am the solution. I stare right back. There’s something familiar about him. Something…mine. No. That’s not right. I am a machine. I follow orders. I am here to ki…ill h…im.
He shakes me by the shoulders and I jerk at the touch as the electricity rushes though my system. I am not supposed to feel. Why do I? How?
He stills when my whole body spasms as the sparks flow through my system. He realises I am a machine. He realises I am not supposed to be shaken. He realises I might shutdown. He lets go and turns to go away. I see a tattoo on the back of his neck. A familiar tattoo. Mi…ine. No. Not mine. But there’s something about it. Something…
He mutters under his breath as he moves away, “If wishes were stars…”
…they would sparkle like your eyes and our wishes we’ll realise.
I still as flashes of my imagination take over. No. Not imagination. Memories. My memories. Memories of Kyle and Ariana. I am Ariana. Ari_iana. And I am here to kill Kyle. I am here to kill him. Ki…ill h…im. Noooooo. I don’t want to kill him. I won’t kill him. ~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
I am #101, and I am here to kill him.