I won’t moralise about what I’ve learned but I can tell you this: in my experience, telling the truth can land you in just as much shit—err, crap, as lying. More sometimes. Sure, a lie can trap you; it can crush you immediately or slowly weigh you down until you suffocate. But telling the truth won’t necessarily set you free; it can cost you everything you love the most. And it can force you to face yourself, as painful as that may be.
Last year I came up with 11 ways to utilise your summer break after scrounging the Internet for several days. This year,no scrounging was needed. I had so much stuff in my head that I wanted to do during these almost 2 months that I could write and write about it. Here are the 16 things that I want to do this summer. This might help(not) you come up with ways to spend the summer break or we could just find some common things we want to do. So,here.
#1-Learn to play an instrument or brush up your existing instrument-playing skills.
I really want to learn to play a guitar. And I used to know how to play a synthesiser. Then studies happened and I lost touch. I dunno anymore but I plan on remedying that. Now. Like, summer break now. You get on with the instrument of your choice, too, yeah?
#2-Food and art.
How can food not figure in my summer plans. I love food. And I plan on loving food that I cook(in place of just gagging or dry heaving when it comes to my culinary skills). So,yeah. Cooking and eating it is. Go join some classes or just experiment.:D
#3-Get creative with wall art.
I love wall art. I made a wall collage for my upper sitting last year and whoever comes to my place loves it. I plan on indulging in elaborate Wall art projects this summer, too. I plan on making beautiful 3-D snowflakes to hang from the gray wall in my room. Yeah,snowflakes and summer? But who cares. I know it will look good and that’s it. Also, a paper curtain for one of the arches is in order. And those elaborate frames. And so many more. So,I am shutting up now. It’s better that I show you when I am done with them. You go get your creative side out from the closet and get started. Let me know of any unique wall art ideas,too.
#4-Learn a new language.
I learnt Spanish. I didn’t practice. I am starting to forget. Yess. You forget if you don’t keep in touch with a new language for 2 months. So, learn a new language and practice, practice, practice. Use duolingo. It’s awesome. Trust me on that. Vale?:P
#5-Read,dance,sing…whatever catches your fancy.
Do stuff you love doing but the semester didn’t allow you to. Get through those TBR lists or dance or sing or do some aerobics…anything you want. Just do.
#6-Write, write, write.
Ofcourse. This last semester got in way of my writing regularly and then the exams happened. I used to write regularly. But I was MIA so much these last 4-5 months. So,I am remedying that. I am gonna make up for my missed writing during this summer. You should, too. It’s a great outlet and it’s just your own. Don’t publish it anywhere if you don’t wanna. Just write for yourself.
I have no skills when it comes to pictures(clicking or getting clicked, whatsoever:/), but I plan on developing some. I dunno what I will do,but Internet will throw up some ways I am sure.
#8-Meet up with old friends from your hometown.
My friends started planning the moment my exams got over(mine ended last). And seeing as my birthday is in 3 days,they have been making plans for my birthday treat all by themselves. Let’s see how well those numerous plans fare out.*smirks*
#9-And spend time with your cousins.
Yess. Do that. Get them to come to your place or go visit them. Just see them. I know I wanna without any exam or test deadlines handing over our heads. Once they are free from their entrances,we are having a blast.
Go volunteer with some NGO. I don’t plan to devote the whole summer this year like last year to volunteer work, but I plan to do some bit of volunteering. How or where I dunno. But let’s see.
Talk to your Maa-papa. Talk to your siblings. Talk to people you are close to. Talk to people you aren’t. Be in touch. Socialise. Just talk. I do that a lot. So,no biggie.:P
#12-Try to read up a bit about the semester to come or go through those topics from the previous ones that might help during the next.
I am not a fan of this but it is needed. I plan on atleast getting a look at the syllabus so I am not caught unawares this semester. It sucks,I am telling you.*makes a face*
Definitely sleep. You will crave it once the next semester/school year starts. So catch those zzzs now.
#14-Help around the house a bit.
Helping your mother out a bit can be so satisfying. Not that my mother allows me to help out, seeing as I create more of a mess than I do help. But anyway, try.:P
#15-Take time with your body.
Oh god. Yes. The dark circles, eyebags and hair loss these exams left me with? Gotta do something. Sleep will help, for one. And internet will help,I am sure. Exercise too if you think you gotta lose some kilos. Now is the time.
#16-Relax. Just chill. Take your time.
Catch up on all those movies and TV shows you have been missing out on,explore new artists and genres, binge watch YouTube videos…do what makes you happy. Lying down with my laptop and phone sure does make me happy.:P
So, what do you plan on doing this summer break? 😀
New desires to follow through New beginnings and dreams renew Silent understanding of the words few Spoken through only the body cue. The early morning, the glistening dew And the sweet fragrance of lavender new Reminds of the days of the summer crew When everything was sweet, and everybody true.
During an email conversation^, I had been asked about feminism. And on the occasion of the International Women’s day just gone by, I felt like I needed to put my point across. 3 points, actually.
*I really don’t see how asking men to get up from the “reserved” seats for women on a metro is gonna establish the equality, let alone your “supremacy”. They worked as hard as you did during the day. They attended those same, boring, continuous lectures as you did. They have similar stamina as you do. They are humans just as you are.
*And how is not shaving your legs, or arms, or underarms, for that matter, working in your favor in this matter? I mean, if you like hair, that’s perfectly cool. But if not,remember you do the shaving for personal hygiene. You do it to feel your silky-smooth skin under your fingertips in the shower (Admit it. That’s where you notice the hair with the most disgusted look on your face.). You do it to feel good about yourself. They aren’t as hygiene concerned. That doesn’t mean you gotta stoop to their level of unhygienic to prove you are equals. Or superior,if majority’s idea is to go by. Animals aren’t shaving their hairy legs(Excuse me, men). Are you dying to prove how you are equals? And before you argue how animals aren’t discriminating against you, how do you know they aren’t, with disgust in their big,beady eyes and loathing on their ever-chewing huge faces?
*And I can not, for the life of me, understand how counteracting manspreading with something equally horrendous is gonna establish you as rational equals. Manspreading, in my opinion, should be declared a punishable offense(I have a personal vendetta against manspreading, yes.-.-). It’s irritating, really. If your balls can’t fit in the space allotted for one individual, pay for two. I mean, what the hell,dude? You can’t just go around spreading your legs when you find women doing it really offensive to your sensibilities. But that doesn’t mean,ladies, that you gotta go around trying to introduce some “equally” ridiculous female-irritating-mechanisms just to spite them. Stop them. Tell them they are wrong. Tell them they gotta stop. Don’t get more annoying than they are. It’s not a race to see who can be more annoying,for god’s sake!!
Yes, these are the ones that personally annoy me (especially manspreading, in case you missed that^😶). I find this shit irritating. *shrugs* You are obviously entitled to your opinion. But don’t try to justify any of this shit,please. Stop being little insecure girls, trying to prove how getting your pigtails pulled is cute. It’s annoying,admit it. Learn to be a woman. Be a woman. A rational woman who KNOWS how she’s equal to the other half,and not trying to prove why she is.
I learned a valuable life lesson. Life isn’t about everyone or everything being perfect. It’s about the misadventures, the unplanned madness of losing your luggage and being forced to spend your travel insurance money and going on the best shopping spree ever. It’s about sitting at the fanciest restaurant and seeing a rat run past the table, only to end up at the closest McDonald’s in your formal wear. And it will be perfect. Pretty perfect.
No, I am not an introvert. And no, I am not an extrovert,either. I am a combination of the two,yes. No, I am not shy. But no, I am not THAT outgoing that you can call me outgoing,either. No,I am not stuck up. But I am not the easiest girl to get along with,either. No, I am not antisocial. But I am not a social butterfly, mind you. I can come off as reserved, and arrogant, and proud at first glance. I am. But I am playful, and funny, and I smile frequently, too. I listen. I observe. I think. But I talk,too. I talk a lot. I hate small talk. I hate holding conversations with people who try talking about how it’s not so cold this year while shivering involuntarily and making me cringe with their attempt at small talk. But I can talk non-stop about the mystery that is life. Yes, I love being enveloped in the warmth of home, curled up on my bed with a good book. But I am not against going out to that awesome restaurant you can’t stop talking about, either. Don’t try to order me around. Don’t try to tell me what to do. Don’t start about how I am one stubborn young woman. Don’t tell me how much I need to learn to adjust. Don’t bloody tell me how I am one weird girl because I don’t fit into any of the definite categories you swear by. Because I know that already. Stop being a know-it-all and open your eyes to the world around. I am a weird combination. And I love it. And if you loosen up a bit, you will realise that you just might,too. Your own weird combination,I mean. Not mine. That’s not an easy task. I laugh with a lot of people. I talk to so many of them. But, if I ever called you my friend, in definite words, consider yourself lucky. That’s hard to come by. Very rare. Stop with the introvert and extrovert shit. People weren’t made to fit into these categories. They gotta be one of their kind. They gotta be weird. They gotta be…different. It all can’t be just black and white. There are shades of gray intertwined, yeah? It would be too boring a life,not to mention colorless, otherwise, don’t you think?
Memories of you are too many pieces of too many different puzzles. It’s overwhelming. It’s too much. I can’t handle it. All those years we spent together, living in the same house, come to haunt me everytime I see your face on the TV screen. I wish I had done something; said something. Maybe, then I would have been able to stop you from going on this path. Maybe, then I would be able to live with myself; with what I did; with what I let happen even though I knew it would destroy us all. But, I didn’t. Why didn’t I? Maybe I was afraid. I was afraid of what would happen to you. I was afraid of what would happen to us. We only had each other. You and I. I couldn’t have destroyed us. I should have. That selfish decision I took back then is going to be the death of everybody I have always cared about. Including you. Everybody’s gonna die and I am the one to blame. I should have stopped you. I should have done a lot of things I didn’t do. Your symptoms that I missed, all your mistakes that I covered for, all the benefits of doubt I gave you, all the times I was unknowingly a part of your extremist plans…I will have to pay for it. I will have to let you go. I will have to deal with this shit so nobody else dies cuz of my selfishness. I will make sure nobody does. We lived in the same house for years. We lived across the hall, for God’s sake. And I still missed the signs. You did a lot of things that you won’t be able to pay for in a number of lifetimes. But you weren’t alone. You aren’t alone. I was in the background, covering for you. I was unknowingly an extremist, too. I was letting it happen. I am the worst sister ever. Forgive me. I should have reported you. But it’s too late now. I didn’t wanna be alone. I knew if you were gone, I would be left all alone. Not now. I don’t need you anymore. I got a new sister. I will keep her on a tight leash. I won’t let her wander down the wrong path. You can go now. You gotta pay for all the sins you have committed. I am gonna be real easy on you. Don’t worry. It won’t hurt. I will put a bullet right between your eyebrows, and it will be over. Shh calm down. I can’t let this go on. You have to go. You gotta die. And I am going to pull the last trigger. I am going to end it all. I am going to be the end.
~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
The system gives error? Why does it give error? I am a machine. I am a new machine. I shouldn’t give error. I should run smoothly. Why the error?
Oh he comes. Kill him, #101. Ki…ill h…im. I have been observing for 2 days now. It’s been 6 days since I came into existence. My instructions are to kill him. I don’t want to. Why don’t I? Why don’t I want to follow the instructions? I am #101 and I am ordered to kill him. I am here to kill him. Kill. Him. Noooo!
He’s talking. His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s still beautiful. Is he talking to me?
“Hey, #101. Have you seen Kayla? I gotta find her. She has my phone. I have to try calling Ariana’s number again. Do you have any new information? I can’t just give up. I need her with me. It’s been a week since she went missing. We saw dreams together. We are meant to be forever.”*almost sob*
Ariana. Ari_iana. Flashes. Ariana and Kyle. Kyle and Ariana. The beautiful night sky. Millions of stars. The soft blanket. Talking of dreams. If wishes were stars… ~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
Kill him. Kill. Him. I am #101, and I am here to kill him.
He’s staring at me expectantly. He looks at me like I am the solution. I stare right back. There’s something familiar about him. Something…mine. No. That’s not right. I am a machine. I follow orders. I am here to ki…ill h…im.
He shakes me by the shoulders and I jerk at the touch as the electricity rushes though my system. I am not supposed to feel. Why do I? How?
He stills when my whole body spasms as the sparks flow through my system. He realises I am a machine. He realises I am not supposed to be shaken. He realises I might shutdown. He lets go and turns to go away. I see a tattoo on the back of his neck. A familiar tattoo. Mi…ine. No. Not mine. But there’s something about it. Something…
He mutters under his breath as he moves away, “If wishes were stars…”
…they would sparkle like your eyes and our wishes we’ll realise.
I still as flashes of my imagination take over. No. Not imagination. Memories. My memories. Memories of Kyle and Ariana. I am Ariana. Ari_iana. And I am here to kill Kyle. I am here to kill him. Ki…ill h…im. Noooooo. I don’t want to kill him. I won’t kill him. ~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
I am #101, and I am here to kill him.
There is a secret room in our new place. Mommy doesn’t know. It will be mine. That’s so awesome. At 12.
I am gonna bring Danny to my secret hideaway I have been keeping to myself all these years. It will be our little secret. We will party like the older kids. At 17.
Roger and I can go visit my time-out zone and we will talk deeper stuff. He will think I am so mature. He will instantly fall in love with me. At 22.
Mayen. I need to visit my think spot. NOW. I gotta think about it all. I can’t take it anymore. At 22. 2 days later.
I am gonna go sit in there and think about all the pending decisions I have been putting off. I will just go MIA for a few hours. Mom won’t even notice. At 22. 3 days later.
Ugh why do my eyes feel so heavy? And my back is cramped. It’s 3 in the morning!?! Shit. Where did the time go? Where am I? Wait. Have I been in the secret room, sleeping, all this time? Shit. Who’s crying like someone’s dead? Is that mom? I gotta go check. Ow easy, tiger. Cramped muscles suck. Sigh. Now where’s the key? I gotta unlock from the inside. Where are you, stupid key? Ow ow my little toe. Careful, girl. Careful. Deep breath. It must be here. Focus. Why is it so difficult to breathe? Shite. This place is isolated. It’s closed off from all sides. I gotta go out. But where’s the FREAKING KEYYYY!?!?! At 22. 3 days before. Flashback.
In my haste to get in I had left the key right there with my purse,lying in my cupboard. At 22. Present.
I can’t get out. Nobody out there knows I am here. Danny is dead and I never got around to get Roger to discuss deeper stuff. Nobody knows. Nobody. Is my mother crying cuz she can’t find me? Will I never get out? Will I have to spend my whole life here? Why is it so difficult to breathe, dammit? I gotta focus. Crap. Won’t I live long enough to even come up with a plan? These dancing blackspots are so irritating. I am gonna faint. Shit. At 25. Outside world.
The mother is grieving a daughter whose body was never found. She had disappeared in thin air. “Why did she leave? Will I never know.” Sob. Loud gut-wrenching sobs. At 30. Outside world. 7. Yayayay. Our new home has a secret space. Why did the previous owners hide such an awesome detail? Maybe they didn’t know. It will be my little secret. That’s so great.