Poetry

Rhythm.

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New desires to follow through
New beginnings and dreams renew
Silent understanding of the words few
Spoken through only the body cue.
The early morning, the glistening dew
And the sweet fragrance of lavender new
Reminds of the days of the summer crew
When everything was sweet, and everybody true.

-a-

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Family pieces.

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Pieces, pieces, get all the pieces...

Memories of you are too many pieces of too many different puzzles. It’s overwhelming. It’s too much. I can’t handle it. All those years we spent together, living in the same house, come to haunt me everytime I see your face on the TV screen. I wish I had done something; said something. Maybe, then I would have been able to stop you from going on this path. Maybe, then I would be able to live with myself; with what I did; with what I let happen even though I knew it would destroy us all. But, I didn’t. Why didn’t I? Maybe I was afraid. I was afraid of what would happen to you. I was afraid of what would happen to us. We only had each other. You and I. I couldn’t have destroyed us. I should have. That selfish decision I took back then is going to be the death of everybody I have always cared about. Including you. Everybody’s gonna die and I am the one to blame. I should have stopped you. I should have done a lot of things I didn’t do. Your symptoms that I missed, all your mistakes that I covered for, all the benefits of doubt I gave you, all the times I was unknowingly a part of your extremist plans…I will have to pay for it. I will have to let you go. I will have to deal with this shit so nobody else dies cuz of my selfishness. I will make sure nobody does. We lived in the same house for years. We lived across the hall, for God’s sake. And I still missed the signs. You did a lot of things that you won’t be able to pay for in a number of lifetimes. But you weren’t alone. You aren’t alone. I was in the background, covering for you. I was unknowingly an extremist, too. I was letting it happen. I am the worst sister ever. Forgive me. I should have reported you. But it’s too late now. I didn’t wanna be alone. I knew if you were gone, I would be left all alone. Not now. I don’t need you anymore. I got a new sister. I will keep her on a tight leash. I won’t let her wander down the wrong path. You can go now. You gotta pay for all the sins you have committed. I am gonna be real easy on you. Don’t worry. It won’t hurt. I will put a bullet right between your eyebrows, and it will be over. Shh calm down. I can’t let this go on. You have to go. You gotta die. And I am going to pull the last trigger. I am going to end it all. I am going to be the end.

Toodles!
~A♥~

P.S. Find me at:
Twitter @ilovetoread003
Facebook The unapologetic pen

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I am #101, and I am here to kill him.

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Faces,faces...

~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
The system gives error? Why does it give error? I am a machine. I am a new machine. I shouldn’t give error. I should run smoothly. Why the error?
Oh he comes. Kill him, #101. Ki…ill h…im. I have been observing for 2 days now. It’s been 6 days since I came into existence. My instructions are to kill him. I don’t want to. Why don’t I? Why don’t I want to follow the instructions? I am #101 and I am ordered to kill him. I am here to kill him. Kill. Him. Noooo!
He’s talking. His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s still beautiful. Is he talking to me?
“Hey, #101. Have you seen Kayla? I gotta find her. She has my phone. I have to try calling Ariana’s number again. Do you have any new information? I can’t just give up. I need her with me. It’s been a week since she went missing. We saw dreams together. We are meant to be forever.”*almost sob*
Ariana. Ari_iana. Flashes. Ariana and Kyle. Kyle and Ariana. The beautiful night sky. Millions of stars. The soft blanket. Talking of dreams. If wishes were stars…
~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
Kill him. Kill. Him. I am #101, and I am here to kill him.
He’s staring at me expectantly. He looks at me like I am the solution. I stare right back. There’s something familiar about him. Something…mine. No. That’s not right. I am a machine. I follow orders. I am here to ki…ill h…im.
He shakes me by the shoulders and I jerk at the touch as the electricity rushes though my system. I am not supposed to feel. Why do I? How?
He stills when my whole body spasms as the sparks flow through my system. He realises I am a machine. He realises I am not supposed to be shaken. He realises I might shutdown. He lets go and turns to go away. I see a tattoo on the back of his neck. A familiar tattoo. Mi…ine. No. Not mine. But there’s something about it. Something…
He mutters under his breath as he moves away, “If wishes were stars…”
they would sparkle like your eyes and our wishes we’ll realise.
I still as flashes of my imagination take over. No. Not imagination. Memories. My memories. Memories of Kyle and Ariana. I am Ariana. Ari_iana. And I am here to kill Kyle. I am here to kill him. Ki…ill h…im. Noooooo. I don’t want to kill him. I won’t kill him.
~error~ ~fault~ ~protocol breached~ ~reboot~ ~reboot failed~ ~error~
I am #101, and I am here to kill him.

Toodles!
~A♥~

P.S. Find me at:
Twitter @ilovetoread003
Facebook The unapologetic pen

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Time flies and hope to die.

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That secret garden,that secret place...

At 7.
There is a secret room in our new place. Mommy doesn’t know. It will be mine. That’s so awesome.
At 12.
I am gonna bring Danny to my secret hideaway I have been keeping to myself all these years. It will be our little secret. We will party like the older kids.
At 17.
Roger and I can go visit my time-out zone and we will talk deeper stuff. He will think I am so mature. He will instantly fall in love with me.
At 22.
Mayen. I need to visit my think spot. NOW. I gotta think about it all. I can’t take it anymore.
At 22.
2 days later.
I am gonna go sit in there and think about all the pending decisions I have been putting off. I will just go MIA for a few hours. Mom won’t even notice.
At 22.
3 days later.
Ugh why do my eyes feel so heavy? And my back is cramped. It’s 3 in the morning!?! Shit. Where did the time go? Where am I? Wait. Have I been in the secret room, sleeping, all this time? Shit. Who’s crying like someone’s dead? Is that mom? I gotta go check. Ow easy, tiger. Cramped muscles suck. Sigh. Now where’s the key? I gotta unlock from the inside. Where are you, stupid key? Ow ow my little toe. Careful, girl. Careful. Deep breath. It must be here. Focus. Why is it so difficult to breathe? Shite. This place is isolated. It’s closed off from all sides. I gotta go out. But where’s the FREAKING KEYYYY!?!?!
At 22.
3 days before. Flashback.
In my haste to get in I had left the key right there with my purse,lying in my cupboard.
At 22.
Present.
I can’t get out. Nobody out there knows I am here. Danny is dead and I never got around to get Roger to discuss deeper stuff. Nobody knows. Nobody. Is my mother crying cuz she can’t find me? Will I never get out? Will I have to spend my whole life here? Why is it so difficult to breathe, dammit? I gotta focus. Crap. Won’t I live long enough to even come up with a plan? These dancing blackspots are so irritating. I am gonna faint. Shit.
At 25.
Outside world.
The mother is grieving a daughter whose body was never found. She had disappeared in thin air. “Why did she leave? Will I never know.” Sob. Loud gut-wrenching sobs.
At 30.
Outside world. 
7. Yayayay. Our new home has a secret space. Why did the previous owners hide such an awesome detail? Maybe they didn’t know. It will be my little secret. That’s so great.

Toodles!
~A♥~

P.S. Find me at:
Twitter @ilovetoread003
Facebook The unapologetic pen

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She is Aphrodisiac.

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Aphrodisiac...

She was aphrodisiac. I can’t not write about her even though it’s impossible to contain her in words. She breathed like poetry come alive. She smiled like screaming colors. She danced like dew drops on a bright green leaf in the early hours of morning. She moved with the seductive gait of a pretty yet dangerous feline. Her voice was like honey melting in a glass of warm water. Her eyes were so unique-gorgeous hazel with flecks of gold intertwined. When she looked at you the world stopped,earth tilted on its axis. You wanted to lose yourself in her,in her presence. You wanted to surround yourself with the beauty that she was. You wanted her around. You wanted her. Period.
But she? She was an illusion of your imagination. She was a living, breathing paradox of the calmness of the ultimate end. She was aphrodisiac.

P.S. I finally made a twitter account ( @ilovetoread003 ) as well as a fb page ( the unapologetic pen) for Wanderingviolet. Now since I won’t be revealing my identity any time soon, I can’t tell anybody about these but y’all. So,be kind and visit,please?🙈

Toodles!
~A♥~

Lists

16 things to do this summer break.

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Oh yes,we do.*smirks* So,listen to us.*winks*

Last year I came up with 11 ways to utilise your summer break after scrounging the Internet for several days. This year,no scrounging was needed. I had so much stuff in my head that I wanted to do during these almost 2 months that I could write and write about it. Here are the 16 things that I want to do this summer. This might help(not) you come up with ways to spend the summer break or we could just find some common things we want to do. So,here.

#1-Learn to play an instrument or brush up your existing instrument-playing skills.
I really want to learn to play a guitar. And I used to know how to play a synthesiser. Then studies happened and I lost touch. I dunno anymore but I plan on remedying that. Now. Like, summer break now. You get on with the instrument of your choice, too, yeah?

#2-Food and art.
How can food not figure in my summer plans. I love food. And I plan on loving food that I cook(in place of just gagging or dry heaving when it comes to my culinary skills). So,yeah. Cooking and eating it is. Go join some classes or just experiment.:D

#3-Get creative with wall art.
I love wall art. I made a wall collage for my upper sitting last year and whoever comes to my place loves it. I plan on indulging in elaborate Wall art projects this summer, too. I plan on making beautiful 3-D snowflakes to hang from the gray wall in my room. Yeah,snowflakes and summer? But who cares. I know it will look good and that’s it. Also, a paper curtain for one of the arches is in order. And those elaborate frames. And so many more. So,I am shutting up now. It’s better that I show you when I am done with them. You go get your creative side out from the closet and get started. Let me know of any unique wall art ideas,too.

#4-Learn a new language.
I learnt Spanish. I didn’t practice. I am starting to forget. Yess. You forget if you don’t keep in touch with a new language for 2 months. So, learn a new language and practice, practice, practice. Use duolingo. It’s awesome. Trust me on that. Vale?:P

#5-Read,dance,sing…whatever catches your fancy.
Do stuff you love doing but the semester didn’t allow you to. Get through those TBR lists or dance or sing or do some aerobics…anything you want. Just do.

#6-Write, write, write.
Ofcourse. This last semester got in way of my writing regularly and then the exams happened. I used to write regularly. But I was MIA so much these last 4-5 months. So,I am remedying that. I am gonna make up for my missed writing during this summer. You should, too. It’s a great outlet and it’s just your own. Don’t publish it anywhere if you don’t wanna. Just write for yourself.

#7-Photography.
I have no skills when it comes to pictures(clicking or getting clicked, whatsoever:/), but I plan on developing some. I dunno what I will do,but Internet will throw up some ways I am sure.

#8-Meet up with old friends from your hometown.
My friends started planning the moment my exams got over(mine ended last). And seeing as my birthday is in 3 days,they have been making plans for my birthday treat all by themselves. Let’s see how well those numerous plans fare out.*smirks*

#9-And spend time with your cousins.
Yess. Do that. Get them to come to your place or go visit them. Just see them. I know I wanna without any exam or test deadlines handing over our heads. Once they are free from their entrances,we are having a blast.

#10-Volunteer.
Go volunteer with some NGO. I don’t plan to devote the whole summer this year like last year to volunteer work, but I plan to do some bit of volunteering. How or where I dunno. But let’s see.

#11-Talk.
Talk to your Maa-papa. Talk to your siblings. Talk to people you are close to. Talk to people you aren’t. Be in touch. Socialise. Just talk. I do that a lot. So,no biggie.:P

#12-Try to read up a bit about the semester to come or go through those topics from the previous ones that might help during the next.
I am not a fan of this but it is needed. I plan on atleast getting a look at the syllabus so I am not caught unawares this semester. It sucks,I am telling you.*makes a face*

#13-Sleep,ya.
Definitely sleep. You will crave it once the next semester/school year starts. So catch those zzzs now.

#14-Help around the house a bit.
Helping your mother out a bit can be so satisfying. Not that my mother allows me to help out, seeing as I create more of a mess than I do help. But anyway, try.:P

#15-Take time with your body.
Oh god. Yes. The dark circles, eyebags and hair loss these exams left me with? Gotta do something. Sleep will help, for one. And internet will help,I am sure. Exercise too if you think you gotta lose some kilos. Now is the time.

#16-Relax. Just chill. Take your time.
Catch up on all those movies and TV shows you have been missing out on,explore new artists and genres, binge watch YouTube videos…do what makes you happy. Lying down with my laptop and phone sure does make me happy.:P

So, what do you plan on doing this summer break? 😀

Toodles!
~A~

Just in case you were curious about last year’s post:
11 ways to “utilise” the summer break.

Philosophical Me!

Breaking the chains.

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This quote felt like it went perfectly with the post theme. So. I dunno the source though.

The glacial wall had finally cracked. The hard, all-surrounding wall that had throttled the lifeair out of her was finally showing signs of letting her be. Finally, she will be able to step out and spread her wings; wings that had been tied for far too long in her opinion. She liked the mobility. And after this period of total imprisonment in her head without allowing the movement of thoughts around in there, she was craving this fresh air;she was almost desperate for it. She wanted to get out of the confines of her head and explore. Explore the possibilities. Explore herself. Just…explore.
She smiled for the first time in weeks. She was ready.

Note:It’s about letting go. It’s about moving on. It’s about living again. It’s about starting new.
Not that it’s any of that for me. For me,it’s about getting free from the confines that your mind puts around thoughts when exams are around. So, yeah.:P
But it can be anything for y’all. It can be something I mentioned above or it can be something entirely different. Just start living again if you have stopped. You will come to appreciate life even more once you do.:)

Toodles!
~A♥~