I had wanted to wish you a happy birthday by calling you at exactly 12 like I did last year. But I had hoped that you wouldn’t ask me to cut the phone after a minute like last time when you were so eager to tal k to your boyfriend that you couldn’t wait for me to put the phone down. You weren’t the only friend of mine who had a bf. I had seen others who have bfs, interact with their friends on their birthdays like their calls meant everything to them. I didn’t say anything about it to you,though. I had left it in the past. But it came back again when your birthday rolled around. Annnnd,I realised that because of your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, to be precise, we couldn’t talk this year. Again. Ah!The irony. He’s no longer a part of your life and he’s still here. Everytime. Everyday.
I am not writing this to hurt you or anything warped like that. This wasn’t my intention. I had hoped that you would give your number to me atleast on your birthday. Annd,I had thought I would write you a big-ass birthday message like I do on everybody’s birthday recollecting the wonderful memories I have had with that person. But obviously that’s not how it turned out,did it now?*dry smirk* I didn’t get your number and I decided to try this new thing I have been trying in my life where I don’t keep anything inside. I spill it out to the person concerned and be done with it. Because I know there isn’t big enough space to keep the hate,and resentment,and friendship all together. I say what I want to so there are no hard feelings. I don’t burn inside that way, thinking about who did what to me. I say it to their face and be done with it. Ironic,really. “To your face…”. Seriously!
And also this clicked in my mind that as I am writing this,it isn’t even your birthday now. So,I am not trying to protect your “feelings” by being all mushy mushy and shit. I am being truthful. And you do need to hear this. This is necessary.*Nods*
We have been friends for so long,P*****(I am not gonna call you **. It was a nickname I gave to my friend. Not to you). So,as I was saying,we have been friends for so long. And we, like everybody else, have had ups and downs in our friendship. We fought a lot. And then we made up. We laughed and we cried. We were tensed about studies. And we were excited about trips. And I realised that we needed to come a complete circle, like every relationship in this world. We have gone from being strangers to friends to good friends to talk-once-in-a-while friends to strangers again. Strangers who have no freaking idea what has gone down in each other’s lives. That’s what we are. Exactly what we are:STRANGERS.
P***** *******,you were a friend once. Do you think we can call each other that now? Do you know anything about me?Anything,anymore? I am gonna send you a “birthday” message through K***,for God’s sake! Is that what we have really become? Really?
You can talk to other people. But when it comes to me,uncle might check?*snorts*
I am cool with that,you know. I am,really. It’s your decision who you wanna defy your father for. But I needed to say this. Because I needed closure. Closure is required in friendships,too, you know. I am not suggesting that we can’t be friends again. I am just saying that it is you who needs to make the first move now. I am tired. Of everything. And I am tired of making efforts. I need others to take initiative now. I am not complaining,but just trying to be honest again. And forward.
Mumma told me your Facebook was active on your birthday, at night. When I checked,it was deactivated again,I guess. But that’s good,in a way. I wouldn’t have said anything I am saying now on FB. And you needed to hear me say this all once. Atleast that’s what I believe. You are entitled to your own opinion. Obviously. I always allow others the option to have their own opinions and viewpoints. So if you think I am talking bullshit, that’s cool. I just don’t give a shit right now.
This was supposedly a birthday message. And I thought of writing this like a normal birthday message for a friend. But once I started,I couldn’t stop myself from saying all I wanted to say to you.
I guess, that’s it for now.
A BEALTED HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY, P*****!
Hope you have a wonderful life ahead.(I am not being sarcastic here. I am saying that genuinely.)