A 21 years old bond:Your anniversary.❤

[caption id=”” align=”alignnone” width=”1922″ caption=”A seed was sown 21 years ago. It's a tree now;a representation of the strength of the bond we all share. ❤”]image[/caption]

Another year has been added to this beautiful bond. It’s been 21 years since you tied the knot on 31st December, 1994. It was that fateful day and then it’s today. 21 years you nurtured this bond. And it’s as beautiful as they come. More so. And 19 years I have been a part of this. It’s a beautiful feeling;this feeling of belongingness. And I wanted to tell you how much;how much this means to me;how much you mean to me. So, I did what I have always been doing. I tried to write a poem.🙈
Hopefully, it will give you an inkling of the love I feel for you both. Hopefully, it will be enough. No,the love can’t be contained in a few words placed dramatically. But I hope it will be enough to make you feel that sense of belongingness I feel with you both,with me.❤

The silence of last night
Got me thinking
Why you are so special.
You love us selflessly
Even when we don’t deserve it.
You are always there for us
Even when we turn towards idiocy.
You have our backs
Even when we are wrong
You hold on fast
Even when there’s nothing to grasp on.
You are our pillar
When we need something to lean on.
You are the rock
When we need something to hold on.
You have the patience from heaven
Listening to us babble about non-sensical things.
You have the best dealing mechanisms
For when we ruin everything.
You have the sweet attitude
When we are faced with failures in our ventures.
You give us numerous reassurances
When we feel like breaking down.
You make the most of every situation.
You never lose hope in any creation.
You don’t let go
Even when you are down.
You don’t leave our side
Even when we are not around.
You show us your sensitive sides
When you are vulnerable.
You let us be the weak ones
Even when it’s not acceptable.
You let us be ourselves.
That’s a feat in itself.
Your love is exceptional
Your care is unbelievable
Your understanding is commendable
And your happiness in our victory,immeasurable.
We love you like no other.
We will treasure you forever.
You will always be the jewels
Who make our lives worth living.

Happiest anniversaryyyy, mumma papa. We love you.❤❤❤

Toodles!
~A♥~

I still don’t miss you yet.

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Torturous days.*sighs*

Dear bane of my existence,

It’s been many days since I left you. I would like to believe I did it for good this time,but we both know I would be lying. It’s not the end,no. It’s not our end. We go way back and I am afraid it would take more than a couple of weeks of torture to sever the ties for forever. I know for a fact that I can move out on you whenever I want to. But as owl city would say, I can never leave. I am stuck with you. And your obsessive possessiveness won’t let go; won’t let me break free of the clutches that’s your grasp on my life. I am just a mere pawn now. You won’t let me leave and I have become too used to your presence to know otherwise now, I guess. I wish I didn’t. I wish it was different. I wish we were different. I wish I was free. But, alas! I can’t escape. I got to accept that bitter reality. It’s bittersweet, really. People want somewhere to belong to. I have that. I have you. I don’t want you. I don’t miss you. I haven’t missed you yet. Only when I stop to think about you, I hate everything about you. And when you stop to think about me,you hate everything about me. Why did I ever love you? Why do you love me? I am stuck with you for a year and a half more. I don’t want to be stuck with you. I don’t want to be near you. There’s so much fish in the water. Take your pick. Just…let me be. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate.

Sincerely,
A
(A student who hates you
A student who hates your very face
A student who wants to go away from you
A student who doesn’t want to belong to you
A student who doesn’t appreciate you
A student who doesn’t love you)

In case there’s still a doubt left in your mind about who this is addressed to, it’s my college, my course, the city I live in to be “near” these^. That’s who.-.-

Toodles!
~A♥~

Soulmates do exist!

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Soulmates!

This is one fabulous book.And that’s saying something since I am so not into love and romance.I am more of a thriller/mystery/suspense sort of a girl.But I stumbled across this book by accident.It blew my mind.I generally get attached to the characters of the books I love. I was cynical at first, when I started reading it.But it turned out to be a fantastic read which has me blubbering like an idiot as I reached the end.Even today, after so many months since I read this book for the first time and reading it numerous times since then,my eyes still well up. A tragic but beautiful story.

I heart Poppy and Noah. ♥

Toodles!
~A♥~

Hello heartache!

wpid-dsc_0012.jpgSo,I actually had no intentions of writing something so close to my heart so early in my blogging experience.But,well,I guess,what’s meant to be will always find its way.A thing after another lead me to pour it all out without any delays.A friend of mine told me that her grandfather expired the day before;I came to my place and plugged in my headphones while simultaneously falling onto my bed,and guess what?The first song that blasted through my head headphones was…?Yeah?Hello heartache,ofcourse.And then I read a blog about death and loss.

So,yeah,I couldn’t keep it all in anymore.I just had to get it all out.And that’s exactly why I have started blogging in the first place,isn’t it?To get it all out?So,ofcourse,I decided to write.

It’s been almost three long years since she died.My rock.The person who loved me unconditionally, no matter what.My inspiration.My grandmother…my amma. Yes,she has been dead for three long years and it still hurts like hell.literally.My amma was one of the strongest person I have ever known.She lost her husband to the third heart attack which he couldn’t endure,and she still survived.Her home split,and she still survived.Her youngest daughter came home after she couldn’t take her failing marriage anymore,and she still survived. Yes,in my world,she was one of the strongest.She loved with a passion we only dream about.

A beauty of her times,she was still gorgeous when I came to know her.With creamy skin,waist length pepper and salt hair and deep deep eyes,she was breathtaking.Not only in the physical sense,but every other sense as well.Whenever I visited with her,I felt energised in a way I can’t explain. You know,it was like she yeilded some silent magick. Her family was what meant most to her.Always.

She loved all her grandkids,but I was her favorite.We were the closest. You see,it was that unbreakable bond we had,which nothing could ever break.She told me all about her olden days,and we laughed while reading the newspaper headlines which weren’t funny in the least.We loved the same dessert,the same cookies,the same…almost everything.

The news of her passing away came just after the day my tenth standard exams got over.I hadn’t met her in quite a while due to my studies,and had plans to go meet her the very next morning.The next morning I had been woken up by my maid telling me amma was no more.I hadn’t  quite believed my ears.I thought she said something else by mistake.Because she couldn’t die,you know.Afterall,we had plans.She couldn’t go without saying goodbye.She just had a heart attack in her sleep,and now she was no More?Not possible,I had said.I mean,she had been a constant in my life forever.She couldn’t just…go.My mother had come and taken me into her arms and only when I felt wetness had I realised that I was crying.Bawling, was more like it.And I couldn’t stop.Till I couldn’t cry anymore.

It was then time to go,say goodbye to her.The moment I went through the door,had I realised that I wasn’t the only one who loved her.There were many more who,if not more,loved her as much as I did.And we all were in this together.We would help each other in our grief and make it all easier.And we did.I didn’t cry anymore that day because I knew that the place she was in was far more beautiful and peaceful then any place we have ever been to.And she was, or would be,eventually,happy there.And a day would come when we would be happy again.Eventually,if not immediately.Recovering was a time taking process.

Overtime,I have come to realise that people leave,no matter how hard you try to hold onto them.They eventually reach that final destination no matter how much you try to stop them.And you never stop loving them,no matter how far away they go.In the few months after she was gone,even the slightest of things triggered a memory which would fill my eyes with tears.And I let them fall freely.Over the time,the pain faded quite a bit and the beautiful memories were what remained at the foremost.And yeah.I even came to terms with the regret I had of not being able to say goodbye.Because maybe she just wanted me to remember her like the last time I saw her:happy,healthy.And even though I miss her all the time,and I know she can’t be present by my side all the time in flesh,I know she’s there with me every second of everyday…in my heart.

And in the end,that’s all that actually matters,you know.The memories we make,the love we have,and yeah,the way we choose to live our lives.I made a pretty good decision,I think.I chose the love and the memories over the regret…because if I had chosen otherwise,I would still be living in the past,with the ghost of tomorrow lurking over my head,and heart,and dragging me under with the weight of it…N I would just be filled with sadness and grief.And, ofcourse she wouldn’t want that,would she??

Toodles!
~A♥~