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THE NEW COLOR.

imageLetting go. Letting go. Letting go.
Letting go.

Fashioned with the essence of her feelings, a new color she had made. Dipping the tip of the brush that was her self-respect, she had made him portraits of her heart. They showed the deepest darkness that resided in the crevices of the blood pumping, overhyped version of the organ.

Dripping the thick red drops of her life blood, she had made paintings that were now the ashes accumulating around the fire she had started with gasoline laced with hatred he oozed and poison he hurled at her. The beauty that she had brought to life with the heart blood that with every pump screamed of her adoration for him was nothing more than ashes of her heart now.

Staring at the flames dancing, as if rejoicing in her slow demise, her need to get back up and paint the world an opaque so dark that nobody would see anything but her brave, young heart, roared. She wasn’t a lowly shell of a being who would let go of the beauty that was her just because she knew how this world works now. She was a fire that wouldn’t die just as easily.

And, so to keep it going, she threw the past as wood, sprinkled with the very color she had fashioned with the essence of her feelings. The roaring amber was a sight to behold. With hair flying in the wind of courage and eyes sparkling with the gold of the fire, she became a new person. She became a person she could be proud of. She became a person who created entire galaxies of memories to fill up the deep, dark pit where her heart once beat, echoing his name. Now, it echoed her own.

-a-

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Poetry

Rules to Appreciate a Sexist Joke

One,

When a funny sexist joke is told, laugh.

Ha. Obviously. Laugh out loud.

Laugh so much

Tears stream down your brown cheeks

Making tracks in the thin, uneven terrain

Of your self-worth

So it solidifies the fact

That you should have no self-worth.

What’s the sense

In the useless sense of self-worth

Some women strut around with anyway?

Two,

Always, and I mean,

ALWAYS Compliment the joke.

And, the one who told the joke.

Surreptitiously slipping

“Women belong in the kitchen”

In a totally unrelated conversation

Takes such clever thinking on a person’s part.

Don’t ever open your mouth

To say a bad word about the beautiful joke.

You don’t want to seem sensitive and intolerant,

Do you? DO YOU?

Three,

Leave your brain cells in a closet.

Without a key.

“Jokes are meant to be taken in a funny way!”

Four,

Don’t try to tell the joke teller

They’re being a sexist asshole.

They WILL question your sensibilities

Because apparently, you didn’t put your brain to see

If it was “worthwhile” doing anything.

And, they WILL reprimand you by asking,

“Wasn’t it simpler just to laugh”.

Five,

Appreciate without question.

Applaud without hesitation.

Laugh without brain function.

And, never ever question them

About how their brain could come up with

Something so pathetically insensitive.

Don’t remind them

They are highly educated people

With the huge responsibility of

Educating the others about equality,

If you aren’t ready to hear the retort

“The highest result of education is tolerance

And you should develop some”.

Don’t tell them you aren’t educated enough

To laugh at the sexist chauvinistic fucking joke.

And, don’t you dare tell them

That every fucking joke,

Any sexist joke,

Is not fucking funny.

Emotions

On the Way to Healing.

imageBefore we heal, we must suffer. It’s the natural order. Before we heal, we must suffer. It’s the natural order. Before we heal, we must suffer. It’s the natural order.
Before we heal, we must suffer. It's the natural order.

They say the passage of time will heal all wounds. But the greater the loss, the deeper the cut, and, the more difficult the process to become whole again. The pain may fade but scars serve as a reminder of our suffering. And, the bearer all the more resolved never to be wounded again. We suffer when we don’t want to accept some beloved’s hand in the pain, and we suffer when we don’t want to let go. So, as time moves along, we get lost in the distractions, act out in frustration, react with aggression, give in to anger. And, all the while, we plot and plan as we wait to grow stronger. And, before we know it, the time passes. We are healed, ready to begin anew.

-a-

Poetry

THE FAÇADE.

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Under the façade of sarcasm and insults
Hides an insecure girl who is trying to hide her most recent wounds.
They are fresh, gaping, bleeding.
She hopes nobody would smell the stench of hurt.
She hopes nobody sees through to the bone deep disappointment.

Under the façade of winged eyeliner and smoky eyes
Cowers an ugly girl who hates the curve of her hips and the thick of her thighs.
She hates it so much.
She hopes nobody ever discovers how deep that hate runs.
Her fuck-all attitude is all she has left.

Under the façade of the resting bitch face
Lives a mean cunt who used to burst into laughter at the dumbest of things.
Her laughter was the weirdest sound.
She hopes nobody hears it again.
She doesn’t want to be funnier than the joke anymore.

Under the façade of the rebel
Survives the most difficult shit they ever came across.
Why does she have to make everything so difficult?
Why is she so stubborn?
Why does she never listen?
She hopes nobody discovers she had listened a little too well once upon a time.
She doesn’t want anybody to hear her agreement when it isn’t given, ever again.

She wants to be heard loud and clear when she smacks that asshole with the big no of her rebellion.
She wants to laugh in the face of the rejection of “Boys will be Boys”.
She wants to embrace her curves when they won’t pose a risk of her wanting it.
She wants to accept her dose of pain when she believes her wounds will be scars one day;
When she believes they can heal.

She doesn’t yet.
And if she doesn’t ever, she will be the sarcastic bitch with the fuck-all attitude who can rebel like nobody’s business.
It’s more fun anyway.

-a-

Poetry

She wanted.

imageWanted.Wanted.Wanted.
Wanted.

She sat still on the windowsill
Looking down at the street below.
The mother of 4 juggling the groceries,
The mad man singing about getting killed on Friday,
The vagabond trying to sell rattraps to whoever would look him in the eye,
The giggling girls talking about boys they’ve loved before.
She sat there, staring, and speculating.
She was there. And, yet not.
She was thinking about the time gone by.
She was thinking about the days wasted.
She was thinking about the past that flew by her, unnoticed.
She wanted to live again, and not just exist.
She wanted to take it all in, and not just breathe.
She wanted her life back.
She wanted to live.
She wanted.

-a-

Lists

5 Ways to Get on with Life Once a TV Series Ends.

When you invest hours upon hours in a story, the characters, the relationships, and the emotions, you form an attachment to that TV series. Watching it and waiting to watch it becomes a habit you can’t seem to shake off. You think about what happened in the last episode you watched when you wake up and you wonder about what will happen next when you go to bed. You start breathing, living, and dreaming in the world of those beloved characters. You obsess and you want to get to the end. But when you do, it hits you like a sledgehammer.

Mayen. What? It’s over? No more Kate and Sawyer? No more annoying Jack? What do I do now? WHAT!?!*

It’s not easy to move on from the life you had experienced alongside your own. It was as if it’s yours, too. You were with them right there on the island, too. So, how to get out of the funk and get on with your life when it’s ended?

Here are 5 steps how.

1. START WATCHING A NEW SERIES. Duh

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Well, isn’t that the most obvious option? To stop obsessing over one thing, and to start obsessing over something else. As simple as that. Not exactly healthy. But, well, a person in need got to do what they got to do.

2. WRITE AND SCRAPBOOK.

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Get it out, darling. Whatever it is that comes to your head when you think of it, write it down in a separate notebook. Scrapbook. Paste pictures, and little trinkets that remind you of that favorite scene, write stuff about characters and write about your opinions on a particular twist that the new season brought about. And once you have it all poured over the pages, make a time capsule and put the notebook away for next, say, 2 years. You will reminisce and be so damn happy when you get to see it again.

3. START A FAN BLOG.

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It’s the new cool. People love to find people with similar interests. Write reviews of episodes, your opinions about different relationships throughout the series, how it could have turned out better, how it couldn’t have been any better, characters and their lives, the actors and their lives…blog it out of your system.

4. START YOUR OWN RANGE OF MEMORABILIA MERCHANDISE.

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If you have the funds and the time, you can start your own range of merchandise dedicated to the series. This will engage your creative sides and will make the ideas swirling inside your head a beautiful reality. This will get you to stop going crazy and will be like a productive transformation of the series in your life. Not to mention, you will make money out of it.

Who doesn’t want an amazing pendant, or ring, or key chain, or mugs, or tee-shirts which reminds them of their beloved series?

5. RE WATCH.

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Re watch the whole series again. Maybe then you will get over it and stop obsessing. When it becomes predictable and not so wonderful anymore, maybe it won’t be that great for you. Maybe you will realize that all it was meant for was 2 reruns and now it’s time to move on.

Getting over something isn’t easy. It takes time and patience. A TV series is nothing different. So, try to get over it, do stuff that might help, but if you aren’t able to move on, maybe you aren’t meant to. Not yet.

(NOTE: This isn’t only about moving on from a TV series. These steps can be followed to get over anything. If it’s a relationship –with friends, with family, whatever –maybe you got to start trying. Or, maybe not. It’s your call. Take your time. With a little improvising these steps can be used to get over anything in life. All you need is patience. And, a little faith.)

*referencing the TV series LOST.

Philosophical Me!

Truth or lies?

imageAnd that chapter is the one everybody is dying to read,don’t ya think?
And that chapter is the one everybody is dying to read,don't ya think?

Truth and lies.

I won’t moralise about what I’ve learned but I can tell you this: in my experience, telling the truth can land you in just as much shit—err, crap, as lying. More sometimes. Sure, a lie can trap you; it can crush you immediately or slowly weigh you down until you suffocate. But telling the truth won’t necessarily set you free; it can cost you everything you love the most. And it can force you to face yourself, as painful as that may be.

So, Truth or Lies?