I still don’t miss you yet.

Torturous days.*sighs*

Dear bane of my existence,

It’s been many days since I left you. I would like to believe I did it for good this time,but we both know I would be lying. It’s not the end,no. It’s not our end. We go way back and I am afraid it would take more than a couple of weeks of torture to sever the ties for forever. I know for a fact that I can move out on you whenever I want to. But as owl city would say, I can never leave. I am stuck with you. And your obsessive possessiveness won’t let go; won’t let me break free of the clutches that’s your grasp on my life. I am just a mere pawn now. You won’t let me leave and I have become too used to your presence to know otherwise now, I guess. I wish I didn’t. I wish it was different. I wish we were different. I wish I was free. But, alas! I can’t escape. I got to accept that bitter reality. It’s bittersweet, really. People want somewhere to belong to. I have that. I have you. I don’t want you. I don’t miss you. I haven’t missed you yet. Only when I stop to think about you, I hate everything about you. And when you stop to think about me,you hate everything about me. Why did I ever love you? Why do you love me? I am stuck with you for a year and a half more. I don’t want to be stuck with you. I don’t want to be near you. There’s so much fish in the water. Take your pick. Just…let me be. I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate.

Sincerely,
A
(A student who hates you
A student who hates your very face
A student who wants to go away from you
A student who doesn’t want to belong to you
A student who doesn’t appreciate you
A student who doesn’t love you)

In case there’s still a doubt left in your mind about who this is addressed to, it’s my college, my course, the city I live in to be “near” these^. That’s who.-.-

Toodles!
~A♥~

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She is not my friend.

A friend,you say?

So…last night,some relevations took place which completely blew my mind.Aaaand,not in a good way.Some secrets were revealed,trust broken,and yeah,loads of justified (I guess) anger boiled over to the surface like hot lava trying to find some cracks to get out.More or less.Secrets which were kept locked up in an old trunk, in her mind,for more than two months, until now.Yes,she revealed the secrets.Finally.

You know,sometimes people you trust the most,hurt you in the worst way imaginable.You trust them with all your dirty little secrets,and they spill them over a coke…or a coffee…or whatever.Well that’s so not the case with me!Not actually.You see,I didn’t actually trust her.Not because I am judgemental or anything.But because she actually had given me reasons not to!And I never told her any of my “dirty little secrets“.Because I don’t actually have any(not many,I promise!).

We weren’t friends,no.Our first impressions weren’t very good,you see.We were just civil.We talked just for the sake of it.Oh yes,we do have topics to talk about.loads actually.We have similar taste in music,we read similar books and yeah, sometimes we pretend to talk about deeper stuff when we are actually talking nonsense.And yes,’we understand each other so well ‘.Her words, not mine.’I am a Messed up version of you’,she says.No,she is so not.No,she is not my friend.

She is multi-faced.Yes.I have seen quite a few of those in the six or so months that we have lived together.She tries to hide it, but sometimes I see too much.Her mask is not as opaque as she seems to believe.No,it’s translucent actually.Not transparent, but yes,translucent.

I tolerated her before.I hate her now.Hate,with a capital H.Yes,I do hate her.We aren’t hateful to each other,but I know what goes under that sugercoated, sweet talking exterior.I have seen that hateful side one too many times.Not directed at me,ofcourse.Never me.But I am the most hated person on her list, probably.No,we are not FRIENDS.

She is a conceited, hateful person.This is not me talking.It’s her actions talking.I don’t actually know if her actions can be justified… Or if someone else could be blamed.Conceit doesn’t bode well with me.The end.No matter the person,no way.And even if I didn’t hate her,she could never be my friend.Ever.
SHE.IS.SO.NOT.MY.FRIEND.

Toodles!
~A♥~

‘CRAVINGS’

There is an abundance of emotions in everyone’s heart(well,almost everyone’s). Some,we want;some we just…don’t!After actually going through that roller coaster of emotions that people talk about,one craves nothing more than that sweet,sweet oblivion they were once in.That small little piece of nothing is what they desire!They just want to…be.Without those abundant swirling emotions making a mess of everything.Yes,that craving!!

Swirling mass of emotions…a jumbled mess!

Anger
Confusion
Hate
Rage,
I have.

Silence
Peace
Transparency
Oblivion,
I want.

Toodles!
~A♥~