Death is a harsh reality. Some understand death, embrace it, others fear it. It’s an inevitable stage in life, no one can escape. So all we can do is cherish the life we have remaining. Embrace those surrounding us, our loved ones and try to live without regrets. Change to become who we want to be when we meet death. I want to meet death head-on. I don’t want it to take me in my sleep. I want to see it coming. I want to know what is happening. Death is the end. I want mine to be a good end. I want it to be a perfect end. Without regrets. Without sadness. With love. And, satisfaction. And, understanding. But mostly love.
New desires to follow through New beginnings and dreams renew Silent understanding of the words few Spoken through only the body cue. The early morning, the glistening dew And the sweet fragrance of lavender new Reminds of the days of the summer crew When everything was sweet, and everybody true.
The moment I saw you nearing, I felt a strange calm settle over me. My heart slowed the pumping. My mind backtracked on the whirring. The dark corners of my guilt-soaked soul Took a deep breath and let go some. You were my personal brand of redemption. All the screaming, all the crying- It took a backseat in my head. I knew the second I saw you nearing, You will be my salvation. You felt like home. You are home. Home.
I wonder if the cheerleader feels it. When the music stops and everyone goes home? When the day is gone and she doesn’t have anyone to entertain herself with? When she removes her makeup, taking off her brave face for the day, do the demons she keeps buried start playing with her when there’s no one else to play with?
I guess not. Narcissists don’t have insecurities, right?
After you’ve been systematically abused, your judgment erodes to the point where it’s nearly impossible to make decisions. Small decisions are as tough as big ones. Even choosing a breakfast cereal seems filled with peril. You are so scared about doing the wrong thing, being blamed and punished for it, you’d rather have someone else take the responsibility. And, the moment you give away your ability to hold that responsibility, you give away your agency. And, an individual without agency is nothing more than a slave to the past. It’s necessary, hence, to hold on to your power to make decisions and take up for it. To take up for yourself. Because that’s what every individual is about: Free will. So, take hold of that bull of the past by the horns and ride the longest 8 seconds of your life. Because once you decide to let go of the past and decide to go with the bull’s movements, you have already won. You are a winner against your own self. And, isn’t that the most important fight?
P.S. It’s been a looooong while since I wrote something. Words had seemed to have abandoned me these past months. I haven’t written anything in almost 4 months. I couldn’t. 2 meaningful lines were A LOT to ask for. I dunno why. I just couldn’t find motivation to write, I guess. But, well, life’s been crazy. Shit happened. And, after hundreds of everyday resolutions of trying to get myself to write these months, I just decided to sit, staring at the wall till I could write again. I wanted to write something extremely positive this new year’s. But, this is all I could come up with. So, make do with this till I can get my mo-positive-jo back.
It was good, trying this writing thing again. I feel good. Really good. And, I am gonna try again. I will try to write. For myself and for everyone else around me because I become a total jerk when I don’t.
A very happy new year’s to all of you out there who haven’t unfollowed me in my absence. And to everybody else, too (I am not that much of a jerk yet, I promise.).
I hope you have a wonderful 2017.💟
P.P.S. All of your comments that are in the ‘waiting for approval’, I will reply as soon as possible. Gimme some time, yeah?
Catch ya soon.💕