Stark White Scars and Her

imageA mystery, a stigma.
A mystery, a stigma.

Dancing on the tabletop when drunk on her company, but refusing to move a leg, claiming she didn’t know how to dance when her friends invited her to — that’s the kind of girl she was. She had always been a mystery to everybody who ever had a chance to hold a two-minute conversation with her. And, that was the reason why everyone around her was so fascinated with her. She never gave much away. She held everything close. Too close.
She was friendly with a lot of people. But, if you ever really looked close, she barely had any friends. She didn’t let people in. And, that led them to speculate about her past. She knew they wondered what had happened in her past to make her so “closed off”. She knew they created weird theories and reached even weirder conclusions. But she just didn’t really care. It didn’t matter to her, any of it. It was as if she was missing a very important part in her system; the part responsible for everything emotion. It was as if she didn’t feel.
Then, she got taken by the police. Police had knocked on her dorm room door at the ungodly hour of 7 in the morning. She had opened the door, muffled and disheveled. They had talked to her intensely for a minute. She had nodded and went inside. A moment later, huddled in a huge fur coat, she had reappeared, and had went with them quietly, without any protest. “What the hell is happening? Where are you going? It’s freezing out.” Her roommate had shouted from inside.
Everybody wanted to know. Nobody heard anything. For days. There was no sign of her returning. One morning, her roommate had taken the whole dorm by a storm, shouting about no sense of privacy in the “perverted” place. Apparently, HER stuff had disappeared in the black of the night, as if she never lived here. As if she hadn’t existed. Her roommate had been crazy angry for the next few days because somebody hadn’t bothered to wake her up when the stuff was taken, and she was worried about having flashed the “intruder” in her sleep.
Days turned to weeks. No clue. No word. Everybody started to forget her. Nobody speculated anymore.
Then, on the cold, freezing morning of January 11, a part of her she had held close for so long came into light. It was the puzzle piece that had been missing all along. And it was a revelation that had the power to destroy everything.
A news headline shook the walls of the dorm. “The serial killer, a mutliple personality disorder case?” Her picture just below it. It was unbelievable. It was crazy. It was the truth.
Everything unraveled bit by bit. Reason for her weird, crazy behavior was revealed. Her “friends” claimed to have doubted it forever. Everybody was banking in for their 15 minutes of fame, the case becoming national level in 2 days straight. The whole nation was curious. They hadn’t met anybody like her. It wasn’t a 2, or even 3 split personality case. The doctors hadn’t been able to determine just how many personalities she had. She had been sent to an asylum. A caged, isolated room, too. They had pronounced her “mentally unfit to live amongst normal people”. She was a phariah. She was a stigma.

In a windowless room: Finally, I am here. He’s dying the ugliest, most painful death of them all. He won’t be able to touch another 5 year old ever again. I will kill him. He’s declared me sick. He’s the sickest of them all. A doctor, they say. A renowned one. He’s the last. He’s my salvation. My oath will be complete now. He doesn’t know me. But I know him very well. Too well.
The scars of the past haven’t faded one bit. They are even more pronounced now. Stark white, all over my soul. Nothing will soothe them other than his blood. All over me. All around me. In me. I will make every second count. I will make every second as painful as an eternity. So much so that he will beg me to kill him. I won’t. I will let every cell in his body experience the pain he put me through. Over and over again. And, when my ears will be ringing with the melody of his painful shrieks; when my own shrieks from the past will not be as loud; when my sleepless nightmares will not haunt me; when all my wounds will be soothed, maybe, just maybe, I will let him die.



49 thoughts on “Stark White Scars and Her

      1. Haha okay.
        So, I started with this internship on Wednesday. The thought of doing it for 3 months is scaring me now. The work seems monotonous from now only. No pay, mind you. Basically I’m handling social media of the company, uploading articles and all.The boss is good. I don’t know what to do. Help.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Hahah I can relate, girlie.
        I started a 2.5 month internship this June. It’s basically writing articles and uploading them and stuff. I was kinda fine with the 2.5 month limit. And I thought I would love writing “articles”. I don’t. I realised that I only love writing stuff when I want to. Deadlines don’t suit me. And general topics don’t either. Fiction and poetry are my thing. And no pay, nothing. Just a letter of recommendation in the end. IT IS MONOTONOUS. Very, very boring. But, well, I didn’t wanna leave it in between. 26 interns started. Only 9 are left. But I still don’t wanna quit. Anyway, I gotta submit 3 articles before 26 as of now. But, well, atleast now I know that I couldn’t have had a career writing boring articles. I thought that would be great. Turns out, the reality is a lot different than what I had in mind.

        Shite. I was supposed to be reassuring you.:P
        I should actully write a post about it. Ranting is acceptable sometimes, yeah? God knows, I don’t have any inspiration to write these days, otherwise. Sigh

        Anyway, you will be cool. Hopefully. And you never know. It might turn out to be interesting afterall.:P

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Oh. My. God.
        I have come to the same realisation. I like writing, but only for myself. I don’t like feeling dictated. My writing should be my way, my style. These past four days, I’d written articles on entrepreneurship and all. It is boring!
        I feel that if I leave this internship, I’ll actually become a commitment phobe. I don’t know.
        There are people all around me who are doing so wonderfully in all the fields. And I am sitting there thinking, bleh.

        I’m going to put forth some unrealistic conditions to my boss on Monday. Let’s see how that roles.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yess. Exactly my feelings.
        I wrote stuff related to economy, and business, and social issues and stuff, too. But the bottom line is, IT WAS BORING.:|
        Exactly the reason I decided to do it in the first place. I was like, I am the only one sitting idle at home and I won’t do anything for the whole summer. So, let’s do THIS. I love writing anyway. So, it will be great. Turned out differently than I had initially thought.:/
        And now I am joining the quiz society of my college cuz it would look “good” on my resume to have been a part of a society in my college life.:/ Hopefully it turns out well cuz it’s a question of 1 whole year. And no option of backing out.-.-
        Hopefully, that talk turned out well for you, Todo.:P


      5. Haha I get you. Trust me, I do. During summers I’d joint this content writing internship, work from home. I was doing it for myself, because I enjoy writing and all. The bosses were horrible, so I’d left that. I joint this one, hoping the experience would be good. The boss is good. But I’m already bored of the work. I just need to write about entrepreneurship and blah blah.

        Atleast now I know, no more writing internships for me. And entrepreneurship is also a big no no.

        I’m not a part of any society as of now. Shit.

        This pressure of cv and competition will kill us someday. :/


      6. Shite. No notifications for this. Apologies for the late reply.*hides face*
        I hate hate hate this. I atleast know that I can’t write such stuff in the long term. WanderingViolet is it for me.:)
        Not that I am doing a good job of writing here either.🙈
        I have joined one in 3rd year. That’s one of the stupidest decision with all the work load and shit. But it’s satisfying. We had to submit questions for some quiz. I created 4. They loved them all. They are gonna use all 4. So, yayay. Atleast something, I suppose. 😛
        But, I definitely second that. We are gonna die. And I still have nothing to write on the CV, really. Just an internship I can’t help but plot about fleeing, or a society I joined a little too late? It sucks.:/


      7. It’s fine! You’ll have something to write on your cv. Something is better than nothing. I’m two weeks into it already. I think I’m going to see it through. Because, I have a feeling (I like to believe I’m instinctual). Plus I’m realising my writing skills aren’t as great as I thought them to be. I make silly silly errors.
        Whenever I feel down, I come to WordPress and soak in all the love and attention.
        I did have that talk. It went surprisingly okay. My sister had suggested I go for work from home, only go to office one day. I just asked to change the timings. Because wfh seemed a bit toi demanding. So yeah.

        Your this internship is toh almost over na?


      8. Haha I guess there’s that.:P
        Yes. Try. You will learn new things, new skills, I am sure.
        Me, too. Me, too.:P
        Hey, me, too. Hahah stupid, silly ones.
        Hahah that’s great actually. Jahan se mile bator lena chahiye, I suppose.:D
        That’s cool.
        Yesss. A couple more weeks to go, hopefully.🙈


  1. This was really thrilling stuff…she goes to asylum but vows to take revenge…but why did she kill othre people (she is serial killer no) if that doc was the only culprit ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the comment. 😀
      Let me answer the questions.
      1. She goes to the asylum BECAUSE she had vowed to take revenge.
      2. And, yes. She’s the serial killer.
      3. She kills other people because HE’s just one in the line of “many”. He wasn’t the only one. But he was the first one. Anybody who looked at her wrong, or said anything inappropriate after that was killed under mysterious circumstances after that. So, she had came to be known as the serial killer. Nobody knew that it was her, though. And they couldn’t understand why she did what she did. She never confessed cuz that would have proved that she had any recollection of killing numerous people. Instead she made them believe that she had multiple personality disorder, and hence, didn’t know what she had done. She was just a college kid in everybody’s eyes, afterall.
      So, yeah.:)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😊😊Thanks a lot for clearing certain things…So its clear she pretended to have multiple personalities while in reality she is a normal person with lots of anger and hatred inside…very complex character indeed…and a very good actor too it seems 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your posts are great Violet. Specially the importance they give to self over deceptive society! Now I want to call you Ayn Rand!..
    Best wishes as always.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. Deep. Powerful. And very well written. 🙂
    Been busy lately? Textbookaholic, I should have known.

    Anyhow, you do know that you write very well. You should write write more often.
    – Someone I believe you forgot.


      1. You’re welcome. 🙂
        Me. I’m not.
        You don’t have to rely. It’s just in you. You’re welcome.
        Oh, why not. I did send an email a few months back I suppose. No reply. Everything alright on your end?
        You won’t/can’t forget people whom you met. I guess, no?


      2. That’s interesting.

        No reason.
        I don’t know which email you are talking about.
        Everything’s peachy.

        I have no idea what the general notion is. I don’t forget people who have been mentioned a few times, I have seen a few times, I have talked to a few times.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. What’s interesting ?

        Hmm, ok.

        Umm, after you said that you were in a bad place, a month or two ago, after I wrote that post.

        But not everything is alright. Anything you can talk about?

        That’s actually good.
        I do the same thing. As a matter of fact, I think I wrote a blog post on the very same notion, but was lost in the interpretation.


      4. That, unlike most, you aren’t busy.

        Life’s never coming up roses. I tend to not be in a good place from time to time. And I don’t remember what was wrong in my world a few weeks back, let alone 2 months back.
        Everything is. And, nope.

        I meant that in a very impersonal way. Unlike you, I think.
        I actually don’t forget people that easily.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I am jobless that way. I thought you knew.

        It never does. I find it quite hard to believe though.
        So, I guess everything is alright.

        Unlike me? Okay.

        Yeah, I think you cleared that doubt already.

        Why do I feel like, you are a little sorta angry- not angry but- uninterested? Is it something I did?


      6. Had no idea. Haven’t talked in a while, remember?

        Hard to believe what?

        You seemed to talk about remembering people in a friendly way? I meant I tend to remember remember people. Unintentionally.

        Well, now that you ask, 3 words: I hold grudges. I guess I am still holding onto the anger from the stupid-liar fiasco. Just realised that today when I saw your blog name pop up in the notification.


      7. It has been the case all along. So, I thought you knew. Anyway.

        Hard to believe that you let yourself be in bad places from time to time.

        Fair enough.


        Wait, are you serious? I don’t remember the context but vaguely so remember. But I isn’t say that you were a liar. Even if I did, I wasn’t really serious about that. But then again, you are still holding grudge, so, I apologise for that.


      8. What the hell? What are you even talking about? Am I missing something?

        However much I like to act like I am superhuman, I am still human.

        As a heart attack.
        I don’t remember the context either, if I be honest. It doesn’t matter. Forget it. I am kinda extreme. There’s no telling how long I will hold on to it. So, leave it at that.


      9. Nevermind.

        Yes, you are human. But still, it’s hard to believe.

        Heart attack? You totally lost me.

        I don’t either. Oh, take your time. Well, okay. Anyhow, I would like to apologise if I had crossed a line or likewise.


      10. Calm down.
        Such irony you don’t even see and that’s funny.

        You : “Well, you don’t really know me, now do you? ”
        Me : “No, I don’t.
        But if I did, it would be just a part of it.”
        You : “I don’t make it a habit of sharing stuff about me with people I don’t even know the name of.”

        Do you see it? Let me know when you do.


    1. Heya. I haven’t written a thing in more than 4 months. I think I take the award for this one.:P
      I am greaaaaaaaat. How have you been, Rups? How’s college? How’s life!?! Mayen. It’s been sooooo long.


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