I was free.I am me.

I walked down the dirt road,the gravel crunching under my feet.The memory rushed back to me like it was yesterday.Walking on the same road,hand in hand,laughing at the silly joke she had just cracked.Her long dark hair flowing in the wind, like a smooth curtain.Mine an entangled mass of brown-black messy curls.Her skin a glowing tan, from all the sun we have been getting lately.Mine tanned brown without even a hint of the tan receding.I hated how my skin tanned so easily.I hated how hers didn’t.She was talking non-stop about the shopping spree she had been on, with her new college friends.I?I had waited all this time to spend those few bucks I could spare, to go shopping with her.She was a hit with her college buddies.I was the loser.I am a loser.We were at the riverbank.She was still speaking.I couldn’t hear a single word she said.All I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears.I felt a deep sense of betrayal in that moment.It wasn’t fair.She didn’t get to live the life I was always meant to have.It was my dream!She stole it.No,I couldn’t take this anymore.She was still blabbering about the places she visited in her college town.I was planning to push her into the fast flowing river.I wanted to get rid of her. Any which way.She had to go.Away from here.Away from me.Away…
Reality took over.I had reached the river bank.The same one.I fell to my knees and started wailing.What had I planned to do?!What was I going to do that day?!
I didn’t.I couldn’t.I just couldn’t get myself to do it.The turmoil swirling inside of me that day was ready to drown me.She didn’t even notice.I realised we had changed.On fundamental level.What she had done to me to get the future I was destined for,paled in comparison to what life held in store for me.What she had done all those years ago was wrong.So wrong.But what I had planned on doing was downright evil.I wasn’t evil.I had a conscience, unlike her.She never thought I would know. She was wrong.So so wrong.I knew it from the beginning. I knew it all.
This,coming back here,was the closure I needed.To get on with my life.To move on.My sobs subsided, and I wiped my face clean of the residue of my pain and self-loathing.I was free.I had done nothing.I wasn’t evil.I was me.I was FREE.I stared at the rushing water for a little bit more.Then,I got up and started walking back.Back to my new life.To my awaiting life I had put on hold because I couldn’t get over the past.I was done living in the past.I was free.I am me.

Toodles!
~A♥~

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9 thoughts on “I was free.I am me.

    1. I know right?While writing this down,I felt like shivering because of the evil that resides inside of her.But in the end,she confesses she didn’t actually do anything, so technically she wasn’t all that evil.Maybe? :/
      I dunno.-.-

      Like

  1. Reblogged this on bears goats and strawberries and commented:
    Nothing personal. But, don’t lie to yourself. You will always be jealous; you will never move on. It will never be your life, and you can’t even buy it. Because, it’s called “lifestyle”. You will never fit in, and you will try again, and again, and again & start another war with your own vanity and self-importance. You are the type to compete where there was no competition, and the only person you destroy is yourself, because they don’t care & don’t want your way of life, or what you have to offer. Face reality….

    Like

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